Join Joy and Aron for a terrifically terrible take on First Things First– Worst Things Worst Aron presents Joy with three historical flops, and she has to put them in order of which came first, second, and most recently in history.
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SPEAKER: Now entering Brains On headquarters.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: And now it's time for--
JOY DOLO: Aron, what are you doing?
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Oh, hey, Joy. I'm just testing out my new game for my podcast, uh, uh, uh chronological invention order.
JOY DOLO: What kind of game, Aron, and also, what kind of title is that?
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: It's a working title, all right? Oh, it's it's where you take three inventions and put them in chronological--
JOY DOLO: Chronological order? Aron, that's my game. See? It's time for--
ALL: First things first.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: No, Joy, this game is totally different. See, it's time for chronological logical invention order.
JOY DOLO: Oh, oh, this is the worst.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: It's, at least, the second worst, right? All right, see, this is a game, where we take three inventions and put them in chronological order. But the twist is, it's three inventions that flopped. Nobody wanted them, because they were the worst. Get it? Worst things worst?
JOY DOLO: Yeah. That is different. OK, all right, I'm on board. OK, I get it.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Absolutely. Legally, it is distinctly different. So you want to play?
JOY DOLO: Yeah, I guess. I mean, is mayonnaise a disgusting plague spreading across sandwiches everywhere? Yes, I want to play.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: All right, your three inventions are the Fiske Reading Machine, which was basically a magnifying glass/eye patch combo that its inventor thought would allow readers to read micro books. Think huge chapter books condense down to the size of a bookmark, Pens for Her, a line of pens designed specifically for women, whatever that means, and Thirsty Dog and Thirsty Cat, a line of flavored water for pets. Which do you think came first, which came second, and which came most recently in history?
JOY DOLO: Wow. Wow. Wow. Really great terrible inventions. Absolutely. I think I'm going to say, first-- oh, I'm going to go with the reading machine first, because I'm thinking magnifying glass, eyepatch, those are like old school materials.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Yeah, people use magnifying glasses, especially in the past.
JOY DOLO: Yeah.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: When it was like a new thing, it was like the hot thing.
JOY DOLO: So we'll go with the Fiske Reading Machine first, and then I think I'm going to go with the Thirsty Dog and Thirsty Cat, a line of flavored water, second, because I feel like it's just water, and you just add like some juice to it and be like, look, your cat loves it.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: I like to think that cats and dogs like flavored water, right?
JOY DOLO: Cats and dogs-- well, I don't know about cats, but dogs-- well, my dog eats paper, so, he'll eat anything.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Yeah, that's like dog electrolytes paper, right? That's how that works.
JOY DOLO: And cats do puzzles.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Yeah.
JOY DOLO: That's their electrolytes. OK, and then last, but certainly, not least, Pens for Her, which is the weirdest thing I've ever heard and don't understand how that would work. So, yeah. OK, so just to recap, we got the Fiske Reading Machine, and then the Thirsty Dog and Thirsty Cat, and then, finally, Pens for Her.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: OK, you--
JOY DOLO: Oh my gosh.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: --are--
JOY DOLO: Yes.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: --absolutely right.
JOY DOLO: Yes. Oh, I knew it. This is going to be the best day, ever.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: The Fiske Reading Machine actually came out in the 1920s. Yes, the Fiske Reading Machine, that magnifying glass attached to an eye covering I told you about, it was released in the early 1920s. Its inventor claimed it would let people carry whole books the size of bookmarks.
JOY DOLO: Wow.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: So that's nice, right?
JOY DOLO: It's like an old-school Kindle.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Honestly, that's what I was thinking. This person was very ahead of their time.
JOY DOLO: Yes, yes.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: The only downside is that you have to have essentially a magnifying glass attached to your eyes at all times.
JOY DOLO: And I wouldn't want to read a book with a magnifying. You know what I mean? That's hard now. Even now, with my Kindle, I have it on the largest font, just because I like the leisure of having big letters.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: You enjoy your big letters.
JOY DOLO: Yeah, first world problems, yeah.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: So flavored water for dogs, actually, came out in 1994. Thirsty Dog and Cats was bottled slightly carbonated water people could buy for their pets. It came in crispy beef and tangy fish flavor for both cats and dogs, respectively.
JOY DOLO: I think it would be a lot like, when they had popcorn flavored jelly beans. Do you remember those? I bet it'll be something like that. Like, it might be a little tasty.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Absolutely. And the last invention was Pens for Women, a.k.a. BIC for her. This invention came out in 2012. In 2012, pen company, BIC, launched a line called BIC for her, a line of pink and purple pens that they said were designed specifically for women's hands.
JOY DOLO: What does that mean?
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Well, it means nothing because they quickly pulled the pens after being flooded with sarcastic reviews. Well, thank you so much for playing my very original game, Joy.
JOY DOLO: It's my pleasure, buddy.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: It was both of our pleasures.
JOY DOLO: Our pleasures.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Our pleasure.
JOY DOLO: This Smarty Pass episode was made by Aron Woldeslassie. Our executive producer is Beth Perlman, and the executives in charge of APM studios are Chandra Kavati and Joann Griffith. Bye bye.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Adios.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: And now it's time for--
JOY DOLO: Aron, what are you doing?
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Oh, hey, Joy. I'm just testing out my new game for my podcast, uh, uh, uh chronological invention order.
JOY DOLO: What kind of game, Aron, and also, what kind of title is that?
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: It's a working title, all right? Oh, it's it's where you take three inventions and put them in chronological--
JOY DOLO: Chronological order? Aron, that's my game. See? It's time for--
ALL: First things first.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: No, Joy, this game is totally different. See, it's time for chronological logical invention order.
JOY DOLO: Oh, oh, this is the worst.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: It's, at least, the second worst, right? All right, see, this is a game, where we take three inventions and put them in chronological order. But the twist is, it's three inventions that flopped. Nobody wanted them, because they were the worst. Get it? Worst things worst?
JOY DOLO: Yeah. That is different. OK, all right, I'm on board. OK, I get it.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Absolutely. Legally, it is distinctly different. So you want to play?
JOY DOLO: Yeah, I guess. I mean, is mayonnaise a disgusting plague spreading across sandwiches everywhere? Yes, I want to play.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: All right, your three inventions are the Fiske Reading Machine, which was basically a magnifying glass/eye patch combo that its inventor thought would allow readers to read micro books. Think huge chapter books condense down to the size of a bookmark, Pens for Her, a line of pens designed specifically for women, whatever that means, and Thirsty Dog and Thirsty Cat, a line of flavored water for pets. Which do you think came first, which came second, and which came most recently in history?
JOY DOLO: Wow. Wow. Wow. Really great terrible inventions. Absolutely. I think I'm going to say, first-- oh, I'm going to go with the reading machine first, because I'm thinking magnifying glass, eyepatch, those are like old school materials.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Yeah, people use magnifying glasses, especially in the past.
JOY DOLO: Yeah.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: When it was like a new thing, it was like the hot thing.
JOY DOLO: So we'll go with the Fiske Reading Machine first, and then I think I'm going to go with the Thirsty Dog and Thirsty Cat, a line of flavored water, second, because I feel like it's just water, and you just add like some juice to it and be like, look, your cat loves it.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: I like to think that cats and dogs like flavored water, right?
JOY DOLO: Cats and dogs-- well, I don't know about cats, but dogs-- well, my dog eats paper, so, he'll eat anything.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Yeah, that's like dog electrolytes paper, right? That's how that works.
JOY DOLO: And cats do puzzles.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Yeah.
JOY DOLO: That's their electrolytes. OK, and then last, but certainly, not least, Pens for Her, which is the weirdest thing I've ever heard and don't understand how that would work. So, yeah. OK, so just to recap, we got the Fiske Reading Machine, and then the Thirsty Dog and Thirsty Cat, and then, finally, Pens for Her.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: OK, you--
JOY DOLO: Oh my gosh.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: --are--
JOY DOLO: Yes.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: --absolutely right.
JOY DOLO: Yes. Oh, I knew it. This is going to be the best day, ever.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: The Fiske Reading Machine actually came out in the 1920s. Yes, the Fiske Reading Machine, that magnifying glass attached to an eye covering I told you about, it was released in the early 1920s. Its inventor claimed it would let people carry whole books the size of bookmarks.
JOY DOLO: Wow.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: So that's nice, right?
JOY DOLO: It's like an old-school Kindle.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Honestly, that's what I was thinking. This person was very ahead of their time.
JOY DOLO: Yes, yes.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: The only downside is that you have to have essentially a magnifying glass attached to your eyes at all times.
JOY DOLO: And I wouldn't want to read a book with a magnifying. You know what I mean? That's hard now. Even now, with my Kindle, I have it on the largest font, just because I like the leisure of having big letters.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: You enjoy your big letters.
JOY DOLO: Yeah, first world problems, yeah.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: So flavored water for dogs, actually, came out in 1994. Thirsty Dog and Cats was bottled slightly carbonated water people could buy for their pets. It came in crispy beef and tangy fish flavor for both cats and dogs, respectively.
JOY DOLO: I think it would be a lot like, when they had popcorn flavored jelly beans. Do you remember those? I bet it'll be something like that. Like, it might be a little tasty.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Absolutely. And the last invention was Pens for Women, a.k.a. BIC for her. This invention came out in 2012. In 2012, pen company, BIC, launched a line called BIC for her, a line of pink and purple pens that they said were designed specifically for women's hands.
JOY DOLO: What does that mean?
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Well, it means nothing because they quickly pulled the pens after being flooded with sarcastic reviews. Well, thank you so much for playing my very original game, Joy.
JOY DOLO: It's my pleasure, buddy.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: It was both of our pleasures.
JOY DOLO: Our pleasures.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Our pleasure.
JOY DOLO: This Smarty Pass episode was made by Aron Woldeslassie. Our executive producer is Beth Perlman, and the executives in charge of APM studios are Chandra Kavati and Joann Griffith. Bye bye.
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Adios.
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