Have you heard of Molly Bloom’s fantastic deli at Brains On HQ? It’s got the tastiest food in town! The only problem is that the delivery person, Rosie duPont, is having trouble figuring out who gets which order. Grab your smarty pass to hear how she manages some of the strangest orders in the animal kingdom!
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COMPUTER: Now entering Brains On! headquarters.
[ROBOTIC NOISES]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, hey, Smarty pal. I'm super busy working the lunch rush at the Brains On! Deli. It's the only deli run by real podcast hosts. Unfortunately, today, I am the only one working. I've got orders up to my ears, and my delivery driver isn't here yet.
ROSE DUPONT: Hey, Molly. I'm so glad you asked me out to lunch. I've never had liver before.
MOLLY BLOOM: Producer Rose Dupont, you're not here for liver. You're here to deliver. Now get on that bike and get these orders out.
ROSE DUPONT: Wait, what? I've never delivered food before.
MOLLY BLOOM: Ah, It's easy. You're so great. You're going to be fine. You just read the name on the order and bike the food to the customer. Most are animals.
Don't ask me why they keep calling. Shouldn't they be able to get their own food? I don't know, but they keep calling. So please, you got to hurry since I've got so many orders. Go, Rosie, Go!
ROSE DUPONT: Wait, wait, wait, wait. But Molly, none of these orders have any names on them.
MOLLY BLOOM: I don't have time to write down every name. I've got 200 pounds of kelp to fry, a rack of eels in the oven, and a pot of boiling gazpacho on the stove.
ROSE DUPONT: But Molly, gazpacho is famously served cold. Everybody knows that.
[PHONE RINGING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Molly's Darling Delicatessen. A yummy taste from a funny place.
[GIBBERISH TALKING]
Yeah, you betcha. Looks like I've got another 200 pounds of kelp to fry. Rose, you got to hurry up with those orders. Time's a wasting.
ROSE DUPONT: But I told you, none of these orders have names on them.
MOLLY BLOOM: We don't have any time. Just get on your bike and call me with what's in each order. I'll tell you who it's going to.
ROSE DUPONT: Oh, jeez. OK.
[DOOR SLAM]
[PHONE RINGING]
Ooh. Alrighty then. First order of the day. Let's see what we have. Hmm, OK, this looks like it's just a bag of loose snakeskin? Ugh, who would eat this? Ugh, gotta call Molly.
[TELEPHONE DIALING]
[PHONE RINGING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Molly's Darling Delicatessen, a tasty treat you love to meet.
ROSE DUPONT: Molly, who ordered the snakeskin?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, well, it was either the ground squirrel or the Alaskan moose or the loon? Oh, Who do you think ordered it?
ROSE DUPONT: OK, um, I think it was the Alaskan-- no. Yeah, no. I think it was the loon.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, Rose, I'm sorry to quiz you at this [LAUGHS] stressful time, but it's really the ground squirrel that likes to eat rattlesnake skin. They chew on the skin, and then they lick their fur in order to hide their scent from predators. That way, predators will think they're snakes rather than cute little squirrels. Pretty cool, huh?
ROSE DUPONT: That is fascinating. And if I remember correctly, there is a ground squirrel who lives two blocks from Marc. Let's go.
[BELL RING]
[TIRE SCREECH]
[DOOR KNOCKING]
Hello, sir. I have your snakeskin. That'll be $17.50. Thank you. All right, time for the second order. Let's see what's in the bag. OK, it's a cup. It looks like this customer ordered bird tears. Who would order this?
[TELEPHONE DIALING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
MOLLY: Molly's Darling Delicatessen, home of the nearly everything bagel.
ROSE DUPONT: Molly, who ordered the bird tears?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, Rose. Well, it could have either gone to the Brazilian tiger moth, the Chilean sea bass, or the Mediterranean house gecko. What do you think?
ROSE DUPONT: OK, Brazilian tiger moth, the Chilean sea bass, Mediterranean house gecko.
MOLLY BLOOM: One of these is drunk in tears. I just know it. I just know it, but I can't remember which one.
ROSE DUPONT: Ugh, this is rough. OK, I think it's the Mediterranean house gecko?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, wait, let me look. Oh no, sorry, I was-- no, it's the Brazilian tiger moth. Yep, they are known to drink the tears of sleeping birds. It sounds odd, but some insects drink the tears of other animals like crocodiles, turtles, and mammals. They do it because tears are a great source of protein for them.
ROSE DUPONT: Wow, that is super gross and strange and amazing. But I do remember that a Brazilian tiger moth lives a few blocks from here. Let's go.
[BELL RING]
[DOOR KNOCKING]
Hi, there. I have your bird tears. That'll be $26.78. Oh, no tip? Jeez. All right, time for the last order. Let's see what's in the bag. A crocodile? Oh my gosh. Molly fit an entire crocodile into this paper bag?
[TELEPHONE DIALING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Molly's Darling Delicatessen. If you buy it, we'll fry it.
ROSE DUPONT: Molly, who on Earth would eat an entire crocodile?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, Rose, OK. That order, it was either the jaguar, the lion or the bear.
ROSE DUPONT: Oh wow. I mean, I think it's going to be Lion King of the jungle or king of the savanna, depending on where they live.
MOLLY BLOOM: Sorry, I'm just remembering. It is, in fact, the jaguar. Jaguars are specifically designed to take down certain crocodiles like the caiman crocodile. Jaguars are great swimmers. And with their incredibly powerful jaws, they have an easy time taking down any croc they find in the water or on my menu. And by the way, aren't you impressed I can share all these amazing facts while I'm super busy at the deli?
ROSE DUPONT: I'm totally impressed. And what an equally interesting and terrifying fact. Another terrifying fact is that I know producer Aron Woldeslassie is roommates with a Jaguar, and they live four blocks from here. Let's ride.
[BELL RINGING]
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Oh, hey, Rose. I didn't know you delivered for Molly's deli.
ROSE DUPONT: I am just helping out. I have your jaguar's crocodile. That'll be $59.60
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Here you go. Bye.
[DOOR SLAM]
ROSE DUPONT: Ugh, thank goodness that's finally over.
[PHONE RINGING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Rose, I need you to get back. I've got 400 pounds of kelp that I need you to deliver.
ROSE DUPONT: Oh, man.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
INTERVIEWER: And that's it for this Smarty Pants episode. It was made by Aron Woldeslassie and edited by Sanden Totten and produced by Lauren Humbert. Our executive producer is Beth Pearlman, and the APM Studios executives in charge, our Chandra Cavoti and Joann Griffith. Brains On! is a nonprofit public radio program. Thanks, Smarty Pass friends. Bye.
MOLLY BLOOM: Bye-bye.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[ROBOTIC NOISES]
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, hey, Smarty pal. I'm super busy working the lunch rush at the Brains On! Deli. It's the only deli run by real podcast hosts. Unfortunately, today, I am the only one working. I've got orders up to my ears, and my delivery driver isn't here yet.
ROSE DUPONT: Hey, Molly. I'm so glad you asked me out to lunch. I've never had liver before.
MOLLY BLOOM: Producer Rose Dupont, you're not here for liver. You're here to deliver. Now get on that bike and get these orders out.
ROSE DUPONT: Wait, what? I've never delivered food before.
MOLLY BLOOM: Ah, It's easy. You're so great. You're going to be fine. You just read the name on the order and bike the food to the customer. Most are animals.
Don't ask me why they keep calling. Shouldn't they be able to get their own food? I don't know, but they keep calling. So please, you got to hurry since I've got so many orders. Go, Rosie, Go!
ROSE DUPONT: Wait, wait, wait, wait. But Molly, none of these orders have any names on them.
MOLLY BLOOM: I don't have time to write down every name. I've got 200 pounds of kelp to fry, a rack of eels in the oven, and a pot of boiling gazpacho on the stove.
ROSE DUPONT: But Molly, gazpacho is famously served cold. Everybody knows that.
[PHONE RINGING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Molly's Darling Delicatessen. A yummy taste from a funny place.
[GIBBERISH TALKING]
Yeah, you betcha. Looks like I've got another 200 pounds of kelp to fry. Rose, you got to hurry up with those orders. Time's a wasting.
ROSE DUPONT: But I told you, none of these orders have names on them.
MOLLY BLOOM: We don't have any time. Just get on your bike and call me with what's in each order. I'll tell you who it's going to.
ROSE DUPONT: Oh, jeez. OK.
[DOOR SLAM]
[PHONE RINGING]
Ooh. Alrighty then. First order of the day. Let's see what we have. Hmm, OK, this looks like it's just a bag of loose snakeskin? Ugh, who would eat this? Ugh, gotta call Molly.
[TELEPHONE DIALING]
[PHONE RINGING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Molly's Darling Delicatessen, a tasty treat you love to meet.
ROSE DUPONT: Molly, who ordered the snakeskin?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, well, it was either the ground squirrel or the Alaskan moose or the loon? Oh, Who do you think ordered it?
ROSE DUPONT: OK, um, I think it was the Alaskan-- no. Yeah, no. I think it was the loon.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, Rose, I'm sorry to quiz you at this [LAUGHS] stressful time, but it's really the ground squirrel that likes to eat rattlesnake skin. They chew on the skin, and then they lick their fur in order to hide their scent from predators. That way, predators will think they're snakes rather than cute little squirrels. Pretty cool, huh?
ROSE DUPONT: That is fascinating. And if I remember correctly, there is a ground squirrel who lives two blocks from Marc. Let's go.
[BELL RING]
[TIRE SCREECH]
[DOOR KNOCKING]
Hello, sir. I have your snakeskin. That'll be $17.50. Thank you. All right, time for the second order. Let's see what's in the bag. OK, it's a cup. It looks like this customer ordered bird tears. Who would order this?
[TELEPHONE DIALING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
MOLLY: Molly's Darling Delicatessen, home of the nearly everything bagel.
ROSE DUPONT: Molly, who ordered the bird tears?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, Rose. Well, it could have either gone to the Brazilian tiger moth, the Chilean sea bass, or the Mediterranean house gecko. What do you think?
ROSE DUPONT: OK, Brazilian tiger moth, the Chilean sea bass, Mediterranean house gecko.
MOLLY BLOOM: One of these is drunk in tears. I just know it. I just know it, but I can't remember which one.
ROSE DUPONT: Ugh, this is rough. OK, I think it's the Mediterranean house gecko?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, wait, let me look. Oh no, sorry, I was-- no, it's the Brazilian tiger moth. Yep, they are known to drink the tears of sleeping birds. It sounds odd, but some insects drink the tears of other animals like crocodiles, turtles, and mammals. They do it because tears are a great source of protein for them.
ROSE DUPONT: Wow, that is super gross and strange and amazing. But I do remember that a Brazilian tiger moth lives a few blocks from here. Let's go.
[BELL RING]
[DOOR KNOCKING]
Hi, there. I have your bird tears. That'll be $26.78. Oh, no tip? Jeez. All right, time for the last order. Let's see what's in the bag. A crocodile? Oh my gosh. Molly fit an entire crocodile into this paper bag?
[TELEPHONE DIALING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Molly's Darling Delicatessen. If you buy it, we'll fry it.
ROSE DUPONT: Molly, who on Earth would eat an entire crocodile?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, Rose, OK. That order, it was either the jaguar, the lion or the bear.
ROSE DUPONT: Oh wow. I mean, I think it's going to be Lion King of the jungle or king of the savanna, depending on where they live.
MOLLY BLOOM: Sorry, I'm just remembering. It is, in fact, the jaguar. Jaguars are specifically designed to take down certain crocodiles like the caiman crocodile. Jaguars are great swimmers. And with their incredibly powerful jaws, they have an easy time taking down any croc they find in the water or on my menu. And by the way, aren't you impressed I can share all these amazing facts while I'm super busy at the deli?
ROSE DUPONT: I'm totally impressed. And what an equally interesting and terrifying fact. Another terrifying fact is that I know producer Aron Woldeslassie is roommates with a Jaguar, and they live four blocks from here. Let's ride.
[BELL RINGING]
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Oh, hey, Rose. I didn't know you delivered for Molly's deli.
ROSE DUPONT: I am just helping out. I have your jaguar's crocodile. That'll be $59.60
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Here you go. Bye.
[DOOR SLAM]
ROSE DUPONT: Ugh, thank goodness that's finally over.
[PHONE RINGING]
MOLLY BLOOM: Rose, I need you to get back. I've got 400 pounds of kelp that I need you to deliver.
ROSE DUPONT: Oh, man.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
INTERVIEWER: And that's it for this Smarty Pants episode. It was made by Aron Woldeslassie and edited by Sanden Totten and produced by Lauren Humbert. Our executive producer is Beth Pearlman, and the APM Studios executives in charge, our Chandra Cavoti and Joann Griffith. Brains On! is a nonprofit public radio program. Thanks, Smarty Pass friends. Bye.
MOLLY BLOOM: Bye-bye.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
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