The real vampires of the animal world
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According to legend, vampires are creatures with pale skin and sharp teeth who drink blood. These creepy ghouls are not real, but in this episode, we'll meet some vampire animals that do exist!
Join Molly and co-host Quinn as they learn about all kinds of bloodsuckers, from mosquitos to birds to fish! They'll hear about vampire bats from Dr. May Dixon. Then Molly will share her top eight reasons to love vampire squids! Mr. Bonejangles will also give us a sneak peek of his new musical, Squiddler on the Roof, plus a spooky new mystery sound!
Featured Expert: Dr. May Dixon is a vampire bat researcher at The Ohio State University. Read more about her work here.
Audio Transcript
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QUINN: You're listening to Brains On where we're serious about being curious.
SPEAKER 1: Brains On is supported in part by a grant from the National Science Foundation.
VAMPIRE BAT: Oh. If only anyone knew what it was like to be me, a misunderstood vampire bat.
VAMPIRE SQUID: I'm sorry. I couldn't help but overhear you. Did you say you're a vampire bat?
VAMPIRE BAT: I did, a very misunderstood one.
VAMPIRE SQUID: Why so misunderstood?
VAMPIRE BAT: It's my name, you see. People hear the word vampire, and they run away screaming or throw garlic at me. I mean, I actually love how garlic smells, so that's not so bad. But still, no one understands what it's like to be me!
VAMPIRE SQUID: I think I understand, at least a little.
VAMPIRE BAT: You? Who are you anyway?
VAMPIRE SQUID: The name's Squid, Vampire Squid.
VAMPIRE BAT: Vampire squid. You mean you also have vampire in your name. I never thought I'd see the day.
VAMPIRE SQUID: Well, the day is here, Vampire Bat. You're not alone anymore. And I think we could make beautiful music together.
[CLICKS]
MR. BONEJANGLES: And then, Molly, the squid and bat break out into a song because it's a musical, and it's going to be simply spine-tingling. The song's working title is I'm Not a Monster. It goes something like this.
MOLLY BLOOM: Ah, Mr. Bonejangles, I'd love to hear more about the new musical you're working on.
MR. BONEJANGLES: Squidler on the Roof? Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Right, your new musical Squidler on the Roof. But I have to go tape an episode right now.
MR. BONEJANGLES: Oh, OK. Well, just think on it. I only need a few more investors for a shot at Broadway.
[HUMMING]
[THEME MUSIC]
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Brains On from APM Studios. I'm Molly Bloom, and my cohost is Quinn from Rosemount, Minnesota. Hi, Quinn.
QUINN: Hi, Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's October, the time of year when we like to have a little creepy Halloweeny fun, so we decided to do an episode all about vampires.
[EVIL LAUGH]
Quinn, what comes to mind when I say vampires?
QUINN: Vampires? I know that they're not real, but vampire stories creep me out.
MOLLY BLOOM: Me too.
QUINN: Yeah. Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: So have you seen vampire movies, heard vampire stories? What kind of vampires have you heard about?
QUINN: I've heard about Dracula, definitely.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's a little creepy to imagine a creature with fangs that wants to suck our blood.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you encountered any other bloodsucking creatures like mosquitoes or ticks?
QUINN: Oh, yeah. Whenever me and my family have gone camping, we've seen mosquitoes and ticks a lot.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah. Minnesota, we love mosquitoes. Well, I shouldn't say we love mosquitoes. Mosquitoes love us in Minnesota.
QUINN: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you get itchy when you get mosquito bites?
QUINN: Yes, I do.
MOLLY BLOOM: Me too. What's your favorite remedy to get over the itchiness?
QUINN: We have this thing at home called the Bug Bite Thing, and sucks all the juice out of your bug bite, and it makes it itch not at all.
MOLLY BLOOM: That sounds amazing.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: My daughter's been putting toothpaste on her--
QUINN: Oh.
MOLLY BLOOM: --bites bites, and she swears by it. I haven't tried it yet, but she's like, Mom, you got to try this, the little toothpaste. And it works. I usually just take ice to it or--
QUINN: Oh,
MOLLY BLOOM: --cross it with my fingernail.
QUINN: Oh, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you ever done that?
QUINN: I've done that too.
MOLLY BLOOM: That just kind of hurts, and then it's still itches.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's not the best. So tell me, do you love Halloween things?
QUINN: Yes, I love Halloween. At home, we love to decorate the house for Halloween. And this year, since I love Broadway, I'm going to be Elphaba from the Broadway musical Wicked.
MOLLY BLOOM: Perfect.
QUINN: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: And there's a movie coming out of that too.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Are you pretty excited?
QUINN: Yeah, I'm really excited.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. So Elphaba, tell me how you're going to do the costume.
QUINN: So we just bought a witch costume. And then we bought a green face paint stick, and we're going to paint my face green.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah, because her main thing is that she has green skin.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: So you have to do all your skin.
QUINN: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's going to be really fun.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: And then in Minnesota, sometimes you have to plan for a coat or something because sometimes it's cold for trick or treating.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you have a coat plan that you can work into your costume?
QUINN: Well, my costume is all long sleeves, so--
MOLLY BLOOM: Perfect.
QUINN: --it'll be good. But other years, I've had to wear coats and snow pants underneath my costume.
MOLLY BLOOM: I know. One year, I dressed as a quilt for Halloween--
QUINN: Oh.
MOLLY BLOOM: --because it was so cold. And my normal costume wasn't going to work, so I just pretended I was a quilt.
QUINN: Oh, cool.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's one way to get around it, I guess.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, let's get to it. As you said, vampires don't exist. They're a made-up legend that's been around for over a thousand years.
QUINN: There are stories of vampire-like creatures all throughout history, from ancient Greece to China to medieval Europe.
MOLLY BLOOM: There are lots of different versions. In some of the stories, vampires have pale skin and sharp teeth called fangs.
QUINN: Sometimes they're super strong.
MOLLY BLOOM: And some legends say that sunlight weakens a vampire, so they sleep during the day and only come out at night.
QUINN: In other stories, vampires can turn themselves into a bat--
[BAT SQUEAKS]
--or a wolf.
[WOLF HOWLS]
MOLLY BLOOM: These are only stories, but people have been fascinated with the idea of vampires for a very long time. You can find them in all kinds of books, TV shows, and movies.
QUINN: Like Dracula.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
MOLLY BLOOM: The Count from Sesame Street.
THE COUNT: Ah! That's one, one bat. Two, two. Bats. Three, three fabulous fliers! Ah, ah, ah.
QUINN: Or Vampirina, a cartoon about a vampire kid who sings in a band called The Ghoul Girls.
MOLLY BLOOM: Or even one of my favorite books, Bunnicula. It's about a vampire-like bunny that sucks the juices out of vegetables.
[SLURPS]
QUINN: Aw, so cute.
MOLLY BLOOM: It is cute. Since vampires aren't real, today we're going to turn our attention to bloodsuckers that do exist. There are lots of them, and they are super fascinating.
QUINN: Some of them you've probably heard of, like mosquitoes, ticks, and lice.
MOLLY BLOOM: But others might surprise you. Did you know that some birds drink blood?
QUINN: Strange but true.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yes. One tiny finch in the Galapagos Islands pecks at the skin of seabirds and then laps up the blood.
QUINN: There's also a fish that lives in the Amazon River in South America. It's called the toothpick fish.
MOLLY BLOOM: This little fish sneaks under the gills of a bigger fish. And then-- you guessed it-- it drinks its blood.
QUINN: Blood might not sound tasty to us, but it's got vitamins and nutrients. That's why so many different animals drink it.
MOLLY BLOOM: Today we're going to get to know one of these bloodsucking creatures, maybe one of the most famous ones out there. It even has vampire in its name.
QUINN AND MOLLY: Vampire Bats!
QUINN: Vampire bats live in Central and South America, from Mexico all the way down to Chile.
MOLLY BLOOM: And get this, vampire bats are the only mammal that survives entirely on blood.
QUINN: That might sound kind of creepy, but vampire bats are seriously cool creatures. To learn more, we talked with someone who knows a lot about them.
MAY DIXON: My name is Dr. May Dixon. I'm a vampire bat researcher, and I work at the Ohio State University.
MOLLY BLOOM: May has spent years studying vampire bats in Panama. Panama is a long, narrow country that connects North and South America like a land bridge.
QUINN: And it has a lot of vampire bats.
MOLLY BLOOM: These baddies are pretty small, about the size of a lemon. They have fluffy, soft brown bodies, leathery wings, and big pointy ears that stick straight up.
QUINN: Their faces are also super wrinkly, like a raisin. May says that every vampire bat has a unique face, just like humans.
MAY DIXON: They have very distinct faces. And for the people who love them, they look very different. And you can even tell them apart by their faces.
MOLLY BLOOM: How they hunt is also super cool. Picture this. It's dusk. The sun has just set, and it's getting dark outside.
QUINN: Vampire bats are starting to come out. They're popping their heads out of caves and other hidey holes.
[POPPING]
MOLLY BLOOM: One little bat sniffs something with her powerful nose.
[SNIFFS]
And she hears something too.
QUINN: She's looking for a cow, pig, or other large animal whose blood she can sip.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our bat friend finds an animal by sniffing around for its smell and listening for its breathing. Then May says the bat lands on the ground.
MAY DIXON: So first of all, vampire bats are so unusual for bats because they can walk. So they fly. They often approach their prey flying. But then they can land on the ground, and they use their really elongated thumbs to walk or even run on the ground. And by doing that, they can land on an animal or nearby and approach them very stealthily.
QUINN: That's right. Vampire bats can walk on their thumbs.
MOLLY BLOOM: And sometimes they even hop like little rabbits.
[JUMPY SOUNDS]
QUINN: But even though they're called vampire bats, they don't actually suck out the blood. They have a different way of getting it.
MOLLY BLOOM: Right. Once our bat buddy finds a cow or other big animal, she makes a tiny cut with her teeth and laps up the blood. And here's the really cool thing. Her spit has a special chemical in it that keeps the cut from hurting the animal.
QUINN: You don't have to be afraid of vampire bats. They hardly ever bite humans.
MOLLY BLOOM: And even though vampire bats sometimes get a bad rap, May says there are so many fascinating and surprising things about these creatures.
QUINN: Like how they have best friends.
MAY DIXON: Most bats are social. But vampire bats take that to the next level. They're incredibly social. Vampire bats have best friends and friendships. And in these friendships, they hang out really close to each other, grooming and cleaning one another. Vampire bats are just so affectionate towards each other. They spend a huge amount of time hanging out, hugging, essentially, with their wings wrapped around each other.
MOLLY BLOOM: Vampire bat, besties even call back and forth to each other. May shared a recording of these bat calls with us. Bats make sounds that are so high-pitched, it's hard for our human ears to hear them. But if we slow them way down, we can hear the noises they make. Check it out.
[BATS CHIRPING]
QUINN: I bet they're talking about how they're best friends, best batty friends forever, BBFFs.
MOLLY BLOOM: They probably have friendship bracelets and secret bat handshakes.
QUINN: And bat sleepovers!
MOLLY BLOOM: May says friendship and cooperation are really important for vampire bats. Bat friends even share food with each other and can save each other's lives.
MAY DIXON: It's really hard to be a vampire bat. Blood is not a great food. Actually, it's hard to store fat if you're eating blood. And so if bats miss a meal, they can be in real danger because they can starve after only three days of not eating. So if a bat comes back to the roost, and it's hungry and hasn't eaten, its best friends will share their own food with the other bat and can save their lives that way.
QUINN: That's true friendship.
MOLLY BLOOM: Seriously. May says vampire bats are super cool creatures that deserve our respect and care.
MAY DIXON: I think we're often afraid of animals we don't understand. And vampire bats live such different lives than us. And I think because of that, they feel alien to us. But just because we don't understand something doesn't mean we can't admire and respect it. They're beautiful. They're amazing. They're fascinating. And they can teach us a lot if we learn from them and pay attention to them. And I think they really are deserving of our attention.
MOLLY BLOOM: We're going to talk about another amazing creature with vampire in its name in just a moment. But first, take a bite out of this, Quinn. It's time for the--
SPEAKER 2: (WHISPERING) Mystery sound.
MOLLY BLOOM: Are you ready, Quinn?
QUINN: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Here it is.
[MYSTERY SOUND]
What do you think?
QUINN: I think it's someone in a pool going underwater and screaming into the microphone.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS] I think you're right. That's exactly what-- and very Halloweeny, don't you think?
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: I love it. Let's hear it one more time.
QUINN: Yeah.
[MYSTERY SOUND]
MOLLY BLOOM: What do you think?
QUINN: I'm going to stick with my guess for now because I hear all the people in the background, and then I hear the person taking their breath to go underwater.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent ears, Quinn. Well, we're going to hear it again, get another chance to guess, and hear the answer after the credits at the end of the show.
We're working on an episode all about whale communication. Whales talk to each other using different sounds like clicking and singing. But a lot of times, we don't know what they're saying, so we want to hear from you. If whales could talk to humans, what do you think they'd want to tell us? Maybe a really good whale joke or some advice? Record your whale message and send it to us at brainson.org. So, Quinn, what do you think the whales would like to tell us?
QUINN: What's it like to have opposable thumbs?
MOLLY BLOOM: Yes. And what would we say to them? We'd say, pretty good. We can give a big thumbs up.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: I like that. Record your whale message and send it to us at brainson.org. And while you're there, you can send us mystery sounds, drawings, and questions.
QUINN: Like this one.
SPEAKER 3: How do our bodies make a fever?
MOLLY BLOOM: You can find answers to questions like these on the Moment of Um podcast. Again, that's brainson.org.
QUINN: And keep listening.
SPEAKER 4: Brains On Universe is a family of podcasts for kids and their adults. Since you're a fan of Brains On, we know you'll love the other shows in our universe. Come on. Let's explore.
COMPUTER: Here we are in Brains On Universe, home to my favorite podcasts-- Brains On, Smash Boom Best, Forever Ago. [GASPS] I found one. Forever Ago, the history show hosted by Joy. Dolo.
[BEEPING]
[GRAND MUSIC]
JOY DOLO: It was the early 1800s. Beethoven was busy composing new symphonies, steam-powered trains were brand new inventions, and a British naturalist named William Swainson was exploring the jungles of Brit--
[BEEPS]
COMPUTER: Ah, what a great show.
[BEEPS]
Need more Forever Ago now!
SPEAKER 4: Listen to Forever Ago wherever you get your podcasts.
SINGERS: Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Brains On.
QUINN: You're listening to Brains On from APM Studios. I'm Quinn.
MOLLY BLOOM: And I'm Molly.
QUINN: Today, we're talking all about nature's vampires, animals that feed on blood.
MOLLY BLOOM: We just heard about how vampire bats drink blood from big animals like cows and pigs. And they also have best friends who cuddle with each other and share food.
QUINN: But there's another vampire creature who lives in the deep ocean, the vampire squid.
MOLLY BLOOM: I love vampire squids. But don't let the name fool you. They are neither squids nor vampires.
QUINN: Plot twist!
MOLLY BLOOM: Yes. They're related to squids, but they're a totally different creature. And get this, they don't drink blood. They're named after vampires because they have webbed arms that sort of look like a fictional vampire's cape, and they sometimes look like the color of blood.
QUINN: OK. So why do you love vampire squids so much?
MOLLY BLOOM: Thank you for asking. In honor of their eight arms, here are the top eight reasons to love vampire squids. [CLEARS THROAT] Number one, they're survivors. They live in the deep ocean where there's not a lot of oxygen and not a lot of food.
QUINN: So what do they eat?
MOLLY BLOOM: That brings me to reason number two. Unlike actual squid, these gentle creatures are not hunters. They eat marine snow.
QUINN: It can snow underwater?
MOLLY BLOOM: No, it's way grosser than that. Marine snow is what scientists call the tiny bits of dead sea creatures, rotting plants, poop, and mucus that drifts down to the ocean floor.
QUINN: Oh, wow. I will not be making a snowman out of that.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fair. But here's reason number three. Vampire squids do kind of make snow balls out of marine snow, except some scientists call these balls mucus dumplings.
QUINN: Mucus dumplings?
MOLLY BLOOM: A meal fit for a vampire squid. They have two long, skinny tentacles in addition to their eight arms. These tentacles are covered in mucus. They stick out their tentacles. The marine snow gets stuck to it and makes a kind of dumpling.
QUINN: Wow. OK. Still stuck on the name mucus dumpling.
MOLLY BLOOM: Reason number four. Vampire squids have lots of little spikes on the underside of their webbed arms. They can protect themselves by pulling their arms up over their body. And when they do, they look like spiky pineapples, great for keeping predators away.
QUINN: Do they squirt out ink like other squids?
MOLLY BLOOM: Ah, great question. And the answer is reason number five. Instead of ink, they squirt out bioluminescent mucus.
QUINN: Mucus again?
MOLLY BLOOM: But this time, it glows. Since it's so dark in the deep ocean, black ink wouldn't help hide them from predators, but glowing mucus does!
QUINN: OK. If we're going to talk about mucus, the glowing kind is pretty cool.
MOLLY BLOOM: Reason number six, they have giant gorgeous eyes. Number seven, they can regrow their limbs if they get injured.
MR. BONEJANGLES: Reason number eight, they have beautiful singing voices.
[VOCALIZES]
[CHOKES]
The old jaw gets unhinged sometimes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mr. Bonejangles, vampire squids do not sing. And we're trying to tape an episode here.
MR. BONEJANGLES: I know. Sorry to interrupt, Molly, but I thought you and Quinn would want to hear the opening number to my new musical, Squidler on the Roof. You know the scene I was telling you about before?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, right, the one where a misunderstood vampire bat meets a friendly vampire squid?
MR. BONEJANGLES: Exactly the one. I just finished the demo tape. And in my humble opinion, it's a bona fide masterpiece!
QUINN: I'd love to hear it.
MOLLY BLOOM: You know what? Me too. Roll that demo tape, Mr. Bonejangles.
[CLICKS]
VAMPIRE BAT: You? Who are you anyway?
VAMPIRE SQUID: The name's Squid, Vampire Squid.
VAMPIRE BAT: Vampire squid? You mean you also have vampire in your name? I never thought I'd see the day!
VAMPIRE SQUID: Well, the day is here, Vampire Bat. You're not alone anymore. And I think we could make beautiful music together.
VAMPIRE BAT: (SINGING) Some animals salivate
At veggies and fruits on a plate
But I confess, plants aren't for me
VAMPIRE SQUID: They're not your cup of tea
VAMPIRE BAT: I wouldn't say I'm a carnivore
My preferences lean a bit more
To blood types like A, O, or B
VAMPIRE SQUID: Taken so delicately
VAMPIRE BAT: Excuse us, we just want to live our lives
VAMPIRE SQUID: We're sick of this rotten publicity
VAMPIRE BAT: We need our own story if we're going to thrive
We're animals
VAMPIRE SQUID: Not monsters
VAMPIRE BAT: So let us
VAMPIRE SQUID: So let us
BOTH: So let us be
VAMPIRE SQUID: Some folks will get the creeps
About monster squids in the deep
But I only eat marine snow
VAMPIRE BAT: As it drifts by down below
VAMPIRE SQUID: The vampire myth is to blame
We're feared, but that's just our names
We just want you humans to know
VAMPIRE BAT: That's why we're telling you so
BOTH: Excuse us, we just want to live our lives
We're sick of this rotten publicity
We need our own stories if we're going to thrive
We're animals
VAMPIRE SQUID: Not monsters
VAMPIRE BAT: So let us
VAMPIRE SQUID: So let us
BOTH: So let us be
[THEME MUSIC]
MOLLY BLOOM: Vampires are just fictional stories, like Dracula or The Count from Sesame Street.
QUINN: But there are tons of real animals that drink blood.
MOLLY BLOOM: Like vampire bats. They're the only mammals that survive entirely on blood.
QUINN: And they have best friends who cuddle with each other and share food.
MOLLY BLOOM: There's also the vampire squid. It doesn't drink blood at all.
QUINN: But it does other cool stuff like eating mucus dumplings and squirting out glowing ink.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's it for this episode of Brains On.
QUINN: This episode was written by--
SHAHLA FARZAN: Shahla Farzan.
QUINN: --and--
MOLLY BLOOM: Molly Bloom
QUINN: With production help from--
ANNA WEGGEL: Anna Weggel.
QUINN: It was edited by--
SANDEN TOTTEN: Sanden Totten.
QUINN: Fact-checking by--
JESS MILLER: Jess Miller.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Josh Savageau with sound design by--
RACHEL BREES: Rachel Brees.
MOLLY BLOOM: Original theme music by--
MARC SANCHEZ: Marc Sanchez.
QUINN: We had production help from the rest of the Brains On Universe team.
ROSIE DUPONT: Rosie duPont.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Anna Goldfield.
NICO GONZALEZ WISLER: Nico Gonzalez Wisler.
RUBY GUTHRIE: Ruby Guthrie.
LAUREN HUMPERT: Lauren Humpert.
JOSHUA RAY: Joshua Ray.
MARC SANCHEZ: Marc Sanchez.
CHARLOTTE TRAVER: Charlotte Traver.
QUINN: --and--
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Aron . Woldeslassie.
MOLLY BLOOM: Beth Pearlman is our executive producer. And the executives-in-charge of APM Studios are Chandra Kavati and Joanne Griffith. Special thanks to May Dixon, Nick Ward, and [? Aaron ?] Ward.
QUINN: Brains On is a nonprofit public radio program.
MOLLY BLOOM: There are lots of ways to support the show. Subscribe to Brains On Universe on YouTube where you can watch animated versions of some of your favorite episodes. Or head to brainson.org.
QUINN: While you're there, you can send us mystery sounds, drawings, and questions.
MOLLY BLOOM: Speaking of mystery sounds, are you ready to hear it again?
QUINN: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Let's hear it.
[MYSTERY SOUND]
All right. Any new thoughts? Sticking with your original answer? What do you think?
QUINN: I don't have any new thoughts. I think I'm going to stick with what I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Remind us what it was.
QUINN: It was that someone is in a pool. And then they go under the water, and then they scream into the microphone.
MOLLY BLOOM: [GIGGLES] I love it. I'm ready to know if you're right. Let's hear the answer.
RIA: Hi. My name is [? Ria, ?] and I'm from Bethesda, Maryland. That was the sound of me screaming underwater.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh my gosh. Quinn, how do you feel?
QUINN: I feel awesome.
MOLLY BLOOM: That was so good. You were exactly right!
QUINN: Normally at home, I get partial credit.
MOLLY BLOOM: Uh-huh.
QUINN: I get them half right. But I actually got it right!
MOLLY BLOOM: 100% right. This is a very impressive mystery sound.
QUINN: Yay.
MOLLY BLOOM: Like, screaming underwater. I hope whatever they use to record, it's fine. They had a cool underwater recorder, I guess. It's pretty awesome.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you ever go underwater and try to talk to somebody so you can try to make out what they're saying?
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's tough.
QUINN: Yeah, it is.
[MYSTERY SOUND]
MOLLY BLOOM: Now it's time for the Brains Honor Roll. These are the incredible kids who keep the show going with their questions, ideas, mystery sounds, drawings, and high-fives.
[LISTING HONOR ROLL]
[THEME MUSIC]
SINGER: Brains Honor Roll.
MOLLY BLOOM: This is our last episode of the season. We'll be back in December with a fresh new batch of episodes for you.
QUINN: Thanks for listening!
SPEAKER 1: Brains On is supported in part by a grant from the National Science Foundation.
VAMPIRE BAT: Oh. If only anyone knew what it was like to be me, a misunderstood vampire bat.
VAMPIRE SQUID: I'm sorry. I couldn't help but overhear you. Did you say you're a vampire bat?
VAMPIRE BAT: I did, a very misunderstood one.
VAMPIRE SQUID: Why so misunderstood?
VAMPIRE BAT: It's my name, you see. People hear the word vampire, and they run away screaming or throw garlic at me. I mean, I actually love how garlic smells, so that's not so bad. But still, no one understands what it's like to be me!
VAMPIRE SQUID: I think I understand, at least a little.
VAMPIRE BAT: You? Who are you anyway?
VAMPIRE SQUID: The name's Squid, Vampire Squid.
VAMPIRE BAT: Vampire squid. You mean you also have vampire in your name. I never thought I'd see the day.
VAMPIRE SQUID: Well, the day is here, Vampire Bat. You're not alone anymore. And I think we could make beautiful music together.
[CLICKS]
MR. BONEJANGLES: And then, Molly, the squid and bat break out into a song because it's a musical, and it's going to be simply spine-tingling. The song's working title is I'm Not a Monster. It goes something like this.
MOLLY BLOOM: Ah, Mr. Bonejangles, I'd love to hear more about the new musical you're working on.
MR. BONEJANGLES: Squidler on the Roof? Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Right, your new musical Squidler on the Roof. But I have to go tape an episode right now.
MR. BONEJANGLES: Oh, OK. Well, just think on it. I only need a few more investors for a shot at Broadway.
[HUMMING]
[THEME MUSIC]
MOLLY BLOOM: You're listening to Brains On from APM Studios. I'm Molly Bloom, and my cohost is Quinn from Rosemount, Minnesota. Hi, Quinn.
QUINN: Hi, Molly.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's October, the time of year when we like to have a little creepy Halloweeny fun, so we decided to do an episode all about vampires.
[EVIL LAUGH]
Quinn, what comes to mind when I say vampires?
QUINN: Vampires? I know that they're not real, but vampire stories creep me out.
MOLLY BLOOM: Me too.
QUINN: Yeah. Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: So have you seen vampire movies, heard vampire stories? What kind of vampires have you heard about?
QUINN: I've heard about Dracula, definitely.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's a little creepy to imagine a creature with fangs that wants to suck our blood.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you encountered any other bloodsucking creatures like mosquitoes or ticks?
QUINN: Oh, yeah. Whenever me and my family have gone camping, we've seen mosquitoes and ticks a lot.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah. Minnesota, we love mosquitoes. Well, I shouldn't say we love mosquitoes. Mosquitoes love us in Minnesota.
QUINN: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you get itchy when you get mosquito bites?
QUINN: Yes, I do.
MOLLY BLOOM: Me too. What's your favorite remedy to get over the itchiness?
QUINN: We have this thing at home called the Bug Bite Thing, and sucks all the juice out of your bug bite, and it makes it itch not at all.
MOLLY BLOOM: That sounds amazing.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: My daughter's been putting toothpaste on her--
QUINN: Oh.
MOLLY BLOOM: --bites bites, and she swears by it. I haven't tried it yet, but she's like, Mom, you got to try this, the little toothpaste. And it works. I usually just take ice to it or--
QUINN: Oh,
MOLLY BLOOM: --cross it with my fingernail.
QUINN: Oh, yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Have you ever done that?
QUINN: I've done that too.
MOLLY BLOOM: That just kind of hurts, and then it's still itches.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's not the best. So tell me, do you love Halloween things?
QUINN: Yes, I love Halloween. At home, we love to decorate the house for Halloween. And this year, since I love Broadway, I'm going to be Elphaba from the Broadway musical Wicked.
MOLLY BLOOM: Perfect.
QUINN: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: And there's a movie coming out of that too.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Are you pretty excited?
QUINN: Yeah, I'm really excited.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. So Elphaba, tell me how you're going to do the costume.
QUINN: So we just bought a witch costume. And then we bought a green face paint stick, and we're going to paint my face green.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yeah, because her main thing is that she has green skin.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: So you have to do all your skin.
QUINN: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's going to be really fun.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: And then in Minnesota, sometimes you have to plan for a coat or something because sometimes it's cold for trick or treating.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you have a coat plan that you can work into your costume?
QUINN: Well, my costume is all long sleeves, so--
MOLLY BLOOM: Perfect.
QUINN: --it'll be good. But other years, I've had to wear coats and snow pants underneath my costume.
MOLLY BLOOM: I know. One year, I dressed as a quilt for Halloween--
QUINN: Oh.
MOLLY BLOOM: --because it was so cold. And my normal costume wasn't going to work, so I just pretended I was a quilt.
QUINN: Oh, cool.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's one way to get around it, I guess.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right, let's get to it. As you said, vampires don't exist. They're a made-up legend that's been around for over a thousand years.
QUINN: There are stories of vampire-like creatures all throughout history, from ancient Greece to China to medieval Europe.
MOLLY BLOOM: There are lots of different versions. In some of the stories, vampires have pale skin and sharp teeth called fangs.
QUINN: Sometimes they're super strong.
MOLLY BLOOM: And some legends say that sunlight weakens a vampire, so they sleep during the day and only come out at night.
QUINN: In other stories, vampires can turn themselves into a bat--
[BAT SQUEAKS]
--or a wolf.
[WOLF HOWLS]
MOLLY BLOOM: These are only stories, but people have been fascinated with the idea of vampires for a very long time. You can find them in all kinds of books, TV shows, and movies.
QUINN: Like Dracula.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
MOLLY BLOOM: The Count from Sesame Street.
THE COUNT: Ah! That's one, one bat. Two, two. Bats. Three, three fabulous fliers! Ah, ah, ah.
QUINN: Or Vampirina, a cartoon about a vampire kid who sings in a band called The Ghoul Girls.
MOLLY BLOOM: Or even one of my favorite books, Bunnicula. It's about a vampire-like bunny that sucks the juices out of vegetables.
[SLURPS]
QUINN: Aw, so cute.
MOLLY BLOOM: It is cute. Since vampires aren't real, today we're going to turn our attention to bloodsuckers that do exist. There are lots of them, and they are super fascinating.
QUINN: Some of them you've probably heard of, like mosquitoes, ticks, and lice.
MOLLY BLOOM: But others might surprise you. Did you know that some birds drink blood?
QUINN: Strange but true.
MOLLY BLOOM: Yes. One tiny finch in the Galapagos Islands pecks at the skin of seabirds and then laps up the blood.
QUINN: There's also a fish that lives in the Amazon River in South America. It's called the toothpick fish.
MOLLY BLOOM: This little fish sneaks under the gills of a bigger fish. And then-- you guessed it-- it drinks its blood.
QUINN: Blood might not sound tasty to us, but it's got vitamins and nutrients. That's why so many different animals drink it.
MOLLY BLOOM: Today we're going to get to know one of these bloodsucking creatures, maybe one of the most famous ones out there. It even has vampire in its name.
QUINN AND MOLLY: Vampire Bats!
QUINN: Vampire bats live in Central and South America, from Mexico all the way down to Chile.
MOLLY BLOOM: And get this, vampire bats are the only mammal that survives entirely on blood.
QUINN: That might sound kind of creepy, but vampire bats are seriously cool creatures. To learn more, we talked with someone who knows a lot about them.
MAY DIXON: My name is Dr. May Dixon. I'm a vampire bat researcher, and I work at the Ohio State University.
MOLLY BLOOM: May has spent years studying vampire bats in Panama. Panama is a long, narrow country that connects North and South America like a land bridge.
QUINN: And it has a lot of vampire bats.
MOLLY BLOOM: These baddies are pretty small, about the size of a lemon. They have fluffy, soft brown bodies, leathery wings, and big pointy ears that stick straight up.
QUINN: Their faces are also super wrinkly, like a raisin. May says that every vampire bat has a unique face, just like humans.
MAY DIXON: They have very distinct faces. And for the people who love them, they look very different. And you can even tell them apart by their faces.
MOLLY BLOOM: How they hunt is also super cool. Picture this. It's dusk. The sun has just set, and it's getting dark outside.
QUINN: Vampire bats are starting to come out. They're popping their heads out of caves and other hidey holes.
[POPPING]
MOLLY BLOOM: One little bat sniffs something with her powerful nose.
[SNIFFS]
And she hears something too.
QUINN: She's looking for a cow, pig, or other large animal whose blood she can sip.
MOLLY BLOOM: Our bat friend finds an animal by sniffing around for its smell and listening for its breathing. Then May says the bat lands on the ground.
MAY DIXON: So first of all, vampire bats are so unusual for bats because they can walk. So they fly. They often approach their prey flying. But then they can land on the ground, and they use their really elongated thumbs to walk or even run on the ground. And by doing that, they can land on an animal or nearby and approach them very stealthily.
QUINN: That's right. Vampire bats can walk on their thumbs.
MOLLY BLOOM: And sometimes they even hop like little rabbits.
[JUMPY SOUNDS]
QUINN: But even though they're called vampire bats, they don't actually suck out the blood. They have a different way of getting it.
MOLLY BLOOM: Right. Once our bat buddy finds a cow or other big animal, she makes a tiny cut with her teeth and laps up the blood. And here's the really cool thing. Her spit has a special chemical in it that keeps the cut from hurting the animal.
QUINN: You don't have to be afraid of vampire bats. They hardly ever bite humans.
MOLLY BLOOM: And even though vampire bats sometimes get a bad rap, May says there are so many fascinating and surprising things about these creatures.
QUINN: Like how they have best friends.
MAY DIXON: Most bats are social. But vampire bats take that to the next level. They're incredibly social. Vampire bats have best friends and friendships. And in these friendships, they hang out really close to each other, grooming and cleaning one another. Vampire bats are just so affectionate towards each other. They spend a huge amount of time hanging out, hugging, essentially, with their wings wrapped around each other.
MOLLY BLOOM: Vampire bat, besties even call back and forth to each other. May shared a recording of these bat calls with us. Bats make sounds that are so high-pitched, it's hard for our human ears to hear them. But if we slow them way down, we can hear the noises they make. Check it out.
[BATS CHIRPING]
QUINN: I bet they're talking about how they're best friends, best batty friends forever, BBFFs.
MOLLY BLOOM: They probably have friendship bracelets and secret bat handshakes.
QUINN: And bat sleepovers!
MOLLY BLOOM: May says friendship and cooperation are really important for vampire bats. Bat friends even share food with each other and can save each other's lives.
MAY DIXON: It's really hard to be a vampire bat. Blood is not a great food. Actually, it's hard to store fat if you're eating blood. And so if bats miss a meal, they can be in real danger because they can starve after only three days of not eating. So if a bat comes back to the roost, and it's hungry and hasn't eaten, its best friends will share their own food with the other bat and can save their lives that way.
QUINN: That's true friendship.
MOLLY BLOOM: Seriously. May says vampire bats are super cool creatures that deserve our respect and care.
MAY DIXON: I think we're often afraid of animals we don't understand. And vampire bats live such different lives than us. And I think because of that, they feel alien to us. But just because we don't understand something doesn't mean we can't admire and respect it. They're beautiful. They're amazing. They're fascinating. And they can teach us a lot if we learn from them and pay attention to them. And I think they really are deserving of our attention.
MOLLY BLOOM: We're going to talk about another amazing creature with vampire in its name in just a moment. But first, take a bite out of this, Quinn. It's time for the--
SPEAKER 2: (WHISPERING) Mystery sound.
MOLLY BLOOM: Are you ready, Quinn?
QUINN: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Here it is.
[MYSTERY SOUND]
What do you think?
QUINN: I think it's someone in a pool going underwater and screaming into the microphone.
MOLLY BLOOM: [LAUGHS] I think you're right. That's exactly what-- and very Halloweeny, don't you think?
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: I love it. Let's hear it one more time.
QUINN: Yeah.
[MYSTERY SOUND]
MOLLY BLOOM: What do you think?
QUINN: I'm going to stick with my guess for now because I hear all the people in the background, and then I hear the person taking their breath to go underwater.
MOLLY BLOOM: Excellent ears, Quinn. Well, we're going to hear it again, get another chance to guess, and hear the answer after the credits at the end of the show.
We're working on an episode all about whale communication. Whales talk to each other using different sounds like clicking and singing. But a lot of times, we don't know what they're saying, so we want to hear from you. If whales could talk to humans, what do you think they'd want to tell us? Maybe a really good whale joke or some advice? Record your whale message and send it to us at brainson.org. So, Quinn, what do you think the whales would like to tell us?
QUINN: What's it like to have opposable thumbs?
MOLLY BLOOM: Yes. And what would we say to them? We'd say, pretty good. We can give a big thumbs up.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: I like that. Record your whale message and send it to us at brainson.org. And while you're there, you can send us mystery sounds, drawings, and questions.
QUINN: Like this one.
SPEAKER 3: How do our bodies make a fever?
MOLLY BLOOM: You can find answers to questions like these on the Moment of Um podcast. Again, that's brainson.org.
QUINN: And keep listening.
SPEAKER 4: Brains On Universe is a family of podcasts for kids and their adults. Since you're a fan of Brains On, we know you'll love the other shows in our universe. Come on. Let's explore.
COMPUTER: Here we are in Brains On Universe, home to my favorite podcasts-- Brains On, Smash Boom Best, Forever Ago. [GASPS] I found one. Forever Ago, the history show hosted by Joy. Dolo.
[BEEPING]
[GRAND MUSIC]
JOY DOLO: It was the early 1800s. Beethoven was busy composing new symphonies, steam-powered trains were brand new inventions, and a British naturalist named William Swainson was exploring the jungles of Brit--
[BEEPS]
COMPUTER: Ah, what a great show.
[BEEPS]
Need more Forever Ago now!
SPEAKER 4: Listen to Forever Ago wherever you get your podcasts.
SINGERS: Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Brains On.
QUINN: You're listening to Brains On from APM Studios. I'm Quinn.
MOLLY BLOOM: And I'm Molly.
QUINN: Today, we're talking all about nature's vampires, animals that feed on blood.
MOLLY BLOOM: We just heard about how vampire bats drink blood from big animals like cows and pigs. And they also have best friends who cuddle with each other and share food.
QUINN: But there's another vampire creature who lives in the deep ocean, the vampire squid.
MOLLY BLOOM: I love vampire squids. But don't let the name fool you. They are neither squids nor vampires.
QUINN: Plot twist!
MOLLY BLOOM: Yes. They're related to squids, but they're a totally different creature. And get this, they don't drink blood. They're named after vampires because they have webbed arms that sort of look like a fictional vampire's cape, and they sometimes look like the color of blood.
QUINN: OK. So why do you love vampire squids so much?
MOLLY BLOOM: Thank you for asking. In honor of their eight arms, here are the top eight reasons to love vampire squids. [CLEARS THROAT] Number one, they're survivors. They live in the deep ocean where there's not a lot of oxygen and not a lot of food.
QUINN: So what do they eat?
MOLLY BLOOM: That brings me to reason number two. Unlike actual squid, these gentle creatures are not hunters. They eat marine snow.
QUINN: It can snow underwater?
MOLLY BLOOM: No, it's way grosser than that. Marine snow is what scientists call the tiny bits of dead sea creatures, rotting plants, poop, and mucus that drifts down to the ocean floor.
QUINN: Oh, wow. I will not be making a snowman out of that.
MOLLY BLOOM: Fair. But here's reason number three. Vampire squids do kind of make snow balls out of marine snow, except some scientists call these balls mucus dumplings.
QUINN: Mucus dumplings?
MOLLY BLOOM: A meal fit for a vampire squid. They have two long, skinny tentacles in addition to their eight arms. These tentacles are covered in mucus. They stick out their tentacles. The marine snow gets stuck to it and makes a kind of dumpling.
QUINN: Wow. OK. Still stuck on the name mucus dumpling.
MOLLY BLOOM: Reason number four. Vampire squids have lots of little spikes on the underside of their webbed arms. They can protect themselves by pulling their arms up over their body. And when they do, they look like spiky pineapples, great for keeping predators away.
QUINN: Do they squirt out ink like other squids?
MOLLY BLOOM: Ah, great question. And the answer is reason number five. Instead of ink, they squirt out bioluminescent mucus.
QUINN: Mucus again?
MOLLY BLOOM: But this time, it glows. Since it's so dark in the deep ocean, black ink wouldn't help hide them from predators, but glowing mucus does!
QUINN: OK. If we're going to talk about mucus, the glowing kind is pretty cool.
MOLLY BLOOM: Reason number six, they have giant gorgeous eyes. Number seven, they can regrow their limbs if they get injured.
MR. BONEJANGLES: Reason number eight, they have beautiful singing voices.
[VOCALIZES]
[CHOKES]
The old jaw gets unhinged sometimes.
MOLLY BLOOM: Mr. Bonejangles, vampire squids do not sing. And we're trying to tape an episode here.
MR. BONEJANGLES: I know. Sorry to interrupt, Molly, but I thought you and Quinn would want to hear the opening number to my new musical, Squidler on the Roof. You know the scene I was telling you about before?
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh, right, the one where a misunderstood vampire bat meets a friendly vampire squid?
MR. BONEJANGLES: Exactly the one. I just finished the demo tape. And in my humble opinion, it's a bona fide masterpiece!
QUINN: I'd love to hear it.
MOLLY BLOOM: You know what? Me too. Roll that demo tape, Mr. Bonejangles.
[CLICKS]
VAMPIRE BAT: You? Who are you anyway?
VAMPIRE SQUID: The name's Squid, Vampire Squid.
VAMPIRE BAT: Vampire squid? You mean you also have vampire in your name? I never thought I'd see the day!
VAMPIRE SQUID: Well, the day is here, Vampire Bat. You're not alone anymore. And I think we could make beautiful music together.
VAMPIRE BAT: (SINGING) Some animals salivate
At veggies and fruits on a plate
But I confess, plants aren't for me
VAMPIRE SQUID: They're not your cup of tea
VAMPIRE BAT: I wouldn't say I'm a carnivore
My preferences lean a bit more
To blood types like A, O, or B
VAMPIRE SQUID: Taken so delicately
VAMPIRE BAT: Excuse us, we just want to live our lives
VAMPIRE SQUID: We're sick of this rotten publicity
VAMPIRE BAT: We need our own story if we're going to thrive
We're animals
VAMPIRE SQUID: Not monsters
VAMPIRE BAT: So let us
VAMPIRE SQUID: So let us
BOTH: So let us be
VAMPIRE SQUID: Some folks will get the creeps
About monster squids in the deep
But I only eat marine snow
VAMPIRE BAT: As it drifts by down below
VAMPIRE SQUID: The vampire myth is to blame
We're feared, but that's just our names
We just want you humans to know
VAMPIRE BAT: That's why we're telling you so
BOTH: Excuse us, we just want to live our lives
We're sick of this rotten publicity
We need our own stories if we're going to thrive
We're animals
VAMPIRE SQUID: Not monsters
VAMPIRE BAT: So let us
VAMPIRE SQUID: So let us
BOTH: So let us be
[THEME MUSIC]
MOLLY BLOOM: Vampires are just fictional stories, like Dracula or The Count from Sesame Street.
QUINN: But there are tons of real animals that drink blood.
MOLLY BLOOM: Like vampire bats. They're the only mammals that survive entirely on blood.
QUINN: And they have best friends who cuddle with each other and share food.
MOLLY BLOOM: There's also the vampire squid. It doesn't drink blood at all.
QUINN: But it does other cool stuff like eating mucus dumplings and squirting out glowing ink.
MOLLY BLOOM: That's it for this episode of Brains On.
QUINN: This episode was written by--
SHAHLA FARZAN: Shahla Farzan.
QUINN: --and--
MOLLY BLOOM: Molly Bloom
QUINN: With production help from--
ANNA WEGGEL: Anna Weggel.
QUINN: It was edited by--
SANDEN TOTTEN: Sanden Totten.
QUINN: Fact-checking by--
JESS MILLER: Jess Miller.
MOLLY BLOOM: We had engineering help from Josh Savageau with sound design by--
RACHEL BREES: Rachel Brees.
MOLLY BLOOM: Original theme music by--
MARC SANCHEZ: Marc Sanchez.
QUINN: We had production help from the rest of the Brains On Universe team.
ROSIE DUPONT: Rosie duPont.
ANNA GOLDFIELD: Anna Goldfield.
NICO GONZALEZ WISLER: Nico Gonzalez Wisler.
RUBY GUTHRIE: Ruby Guthrie.
LAUREN HUMPERT: Lauren Humpert.
JOSHUA RAY: Joshua Ray.
MARC SANCHEZ: Marc Sanchez.
CHARLOTTE TRAVER: Charlotte Traver.
QUINN: --and--
ARON WOLDESLASSIE: Aron . Woldeslassie.
MOLLY BLOOM: Beth Pearlman is our executive producer. And the executives-in-charge of APM Studios are Chandra Kavati and Joanne Griffith. Special thanks to May Dixon, Nick Ward, and [? Aaron ?] Ward.
QUINN: Brains On is a nonprofit public radio program.
MOLLY BLOOM: There are lots of ways to support the show. Subscribe to Brains On Universe on YouTube where you can watch animated versions of some of your favorite episodes. Or head to brainson.org.
QUINN: While you're there, you can send us mystery sounds, drawings, and questions.
MOLLY BLOOM: Speaking of mystery sounds, are you ready to hear it again?
QUINN: Yes.
MOLLY BLOOM: All right. Let's hear it.
[MYSTERY SOUND]
All right. Any new thoughts? Sticking with your original answer? What do you think?
QUINN: I don't have any new thoughts. I think I'm going to stick with what I have.
MOLLY BLOOM: OK. Remind us what it was.
QUINN: It was that someone is in a pool. And then they go under the water, and then they scream into the microphone.
MOLLY BLOOM: [GIGGLES] I love it. I'm ready to know if you're right. Let's hear the answer.
RIA: Hi. My name is [? Ria, ?] and I'm from Bethesda, Maryland. That was the sound of me screaming underwater.
MOLLY BLOOM: Oh my gosh. Quinn, how do you feel?
QUINN: I feel awesome.
MOLLY BLOOM: That was so good. You were exactly right!
QUINN: Normally at home, I get partial credit.
MOLLY BLOOM: Uh-huh.
QUINN: I get them half right. But I actually got it right!
MOLLY BLOOM: 100% right. This is a very impressive mystery sound.
QUINN: Yay.
MOLLY BLOOM: Like, screaming underwater. I hope whatever they use to record, it's fine. They had a cool underwater recorder, I guess. It's pretty awesome.
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: Do you ever go underwater and try to talk to somebody so you can try to make out what they're saying?
QUINN: Yeah.
MOLLY BLOOM: It's tough.
QUINN: Yeah, it is.
[MYSTERY SOUND]
MOLLY BLOOM: Now it's time for the Brains Honor Roll. These are the incredible kids who keep the show going with their questions, ideas, mystery sounds, drawings, and high-fives.
[LISTING HONOR ROLL]
[THEME MUSIC]
SINGER: Brains Honor Roll.
MOLLY BLOOM: This is our last episode of the season. We'll be back in December with a fresh new batch of episodes for you.
QUINN: Thanks for listening!
Transcription services provided by 3Play Media.
