Watch out! Molly’s on the loose with Sneak Attacks! Everyone at Brain’s On HQ is hiding in fear of Molly’s devious debate games.
Why is Molly sneak attacking people like we're all in Smash Boom Best? Where will she jump out of next? And what does any of this have to do with the tuba?
Grab your SmartyPass and listen to everyone at Brains On HQ try to answer these questions before Molly catches them with her Sneak Attacks!
Who do you think won? Vote here!
Audio Transcript
Download transcript (PDF)
SPEAKER: Now entering Brains On! Headquarters.
[BEEPING, MECHANICAL CLACKING]
SANDEN: What are you doing here? I know you're a Smarty Pass holder, and that means you can come to Brains On headquarters whenever you like, but today couldn't be a worse day to come to HQ. Molly's been surprising us with sneak attacks all day. Sneak attacks are those mini games we play during Smash Boom Best debates. Ugh. She must be mad about something because she is being merciless with her sneak attack challenges. I mean, if anyone even debates anything in the slightest-- boom-- Molly just appears out of nowhere with the hardest sneak attack ever.
[RUMBLING]
Do you hear that? Oh, I think she's in the air vents. Quick. Let's hide in the elephant closet. It's where we keep our elephants.
[LOUD TRUMPETING]
Oh-- hey, Ella Phantsgerald I'm hiding from Molly.
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]
RUBY: Sanden, close the door!
ANNA: Quickly.
SANDEN: Oh, look. It's Brains On producer, Ruby Guthrie, and Moment of Um producer, Anna Weggel.
ANNA: We're hiding from Molly and all her sneak attacks, too.
RUBY: She only does this when she's having really big feelings.
SANDEN: Yeah. I wonder what's going on with her. Such a mystery.
RUBY: What? You know, you're kind of the source of those feelings.
ANNA: Yeah. Ever since you got first chair for the tuba section in the Brains On orchestra and she got second.
SANDEN: I can't help that I'm a superior tuba-ist.
ANNA: It's not that. It's that you won't stop gloating.
SANDEN: Moi? Never.
RUBY: Sanden, you made a banner that said "Sanden beats Molly."
ANNA: You threw yourself a parade with fireworks.
RUBY: You literally did a 45-minute dance routine that you titled, "The Sanden Gloating Dance."
SANDEN: I don't see your point.
[LOW HORN]
RUBY: [GASP] That's her tuba. But where is it coming from?
ANNA: She could be anywhere.
MOLLY: Who? Me?
RUBY and ANNA: UGH!
RUBY: Sanden, you led her right to us.
SANDEN: Better you than me. Good luck, guys.
[DOOR CLICKS, RAPID FOOTSTEPS]
- Ha-ha. Hoo-ha!
MOLLY: Sneak attack.
ANNA: No, Molly. Spare me, please. I have an iguana at home. He has diarrhea.
RUBY: And I have a cat who's never seen The Wizard of Oz. We're supposed to have a watch party tonight.
MOLLY: Lucky for you two pet parents, that's your debate-- iguanas versus cats.
RUBY and ANNA: Noooo!
MOLLY: Your sneak attack is-- carnival barker. You'll be an old-fashioned carnival barker trying to sell us on why your pet is the best. Give a spiel. Be a pushy salesman. Anna, you're first. You'll have 30 seconds for your spiel, and your time starts now.
ANNA: (HIGH VOICE) Oh, hey. Come on down. Come see what we have to offer you today. Oh, you look a little lonely, and there's certainly nothing on your shoulder right now. What if you adopted an iguana and had it on your shoulder all day long? And it could tell you what the best things are to do all day long. It could help you make decisions. It could whisper little sweet nothings into your ear all day. No pet-- no pet on Earth is as good as an iguana. It doesn't shed. It eats bugs. And it's your best--
MOLLY: And time. That was wonderful. All right. Ruby, it's your turn. You have 30 seconds to give your spiel for cats. And your time starts now.
RUBY: Meow, meow, meow, meow-meow-meow. (DRAMATICALLY) Who wants a pal that's super cuddly but needs not a ton of attention because we all need some time to ourselves. Get yourself a cat! It's sweet, but not as needy as a dog. But also it has fur, unlike an iguana. Ugh! No one wants an iguana. You know what? A cat is just so cozy and your best companion ever. And you don't need to take it outside for a walk or bathroom breaks or any of that. It's so self sufficient. We love it.
MOLLY: And time. Wow. You two-- have you been secretly moonlighting as carnival barkers?
ANNA: (DRAWN OUT) Yes. Who won?
MOLLY: Oh. Well, that's for our Smarty Pass holder to decide. To vote, just go to the link in the show notes for this episode.
RUBY: She's distracted. Let's get out of here. Run!
[RAPID FOOTSTEPS]
MOLLY: Well, nuts. Now I need to find two new victims for my sneak attacks. To the air vents!
[METAL CLANGS]
The whole team is hiding from me, but what they don't know is that after five seasons of hosting Smash Boom Best and coming up with countless sneak attacks, I have become the sneakiest person at Brains On headquarters. And I am going to sneak attack everyone here until I reach my goal-- launching a sneak attack on Sanden. That will show him for being such a braggart about landing first chair. Oh, look down there. It's Smash Boom Best producer, Rosie DuPont and editor Shahla Farzan hiding in the Hall of Slides. [LAUGHS] They think we can't see them.
ROSIE: Shahla. Shahla. We should have hidden in the Swing Solarium.
SHAHLA: Rosie, everyone knows that slides are better than swings. That's why we're in the Hall of Slides.
ROSIE: Wait. What are you talking about? Swings beat slides every time.
SHAHLA: Oh, no. Do you know what we're doing?
ROSIE: We're discussing potential hiding spots?
SHAHLA: No. We're having a debate, which means--
ROSIE: [GASPS]
MOLLY: It's time for a sneak attack.
ROSIE: She fell from the vent like an HVAC nightmare.
SHAHLA: Molly, maybe you should just talk about your feelings instead.
MOLLY: The only feeling I'm having right now is a sneaking one.
- Ha-ha Hoo-ha!
MOLLY: Sneak attack.
[SCREAM]
MOLLY: Your sneak attack is-- brand your band. If your side had a band, what would the name of the band be and what style of music would they play? Rosie, you love swings, so your side will be swings. And Shahla, your side will be slides. All right. Shahla you're up first. Tell us about your band.
SHAHLA: Just picture this, right? So I'm climbing up to the top of this slide. My hair is blowing back in the breeze, and I look amazing. Everyone on the playground turns around and is, like, "Oh." Like slow motion. Like that person is so brave, and her hair looks so good. And I probably would do like an air guitar or something at the top just to really show off how fearless I am. Because slides are hardcore. They're metal. So slides would definitely-- if they were a band, they would be a heavy metal band. End of story. Heavy metal.
MOLLY: What's the band's name?
SHAHLA: Uh, they would be called the Rusty Metal Pipes.
MOLLY: [LAUGHS] And what's the name of their hit single.
SHAHLA: [LAUGHS] Just like, "Slip Slidin' Away," but like in a heavy metal hardcore style.
MOLLY: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And what would the lead singer sound like?
SHAHLA: He would be like, (GRAVELLY VOICE) Slides, slides, [MIMICS ELECTRIC GUITAR] slides.
MOLLY: Mm. Very, very good. OK. Rosie, now it's your turn. Please tell us about your swing band.
ROSIE: OK. So my swing band, it's a girl group and their name is the Swing Sisters. And their most recent hit, "Swings Give You Wings," features all five of them sitting on swings in a row, and they're swinging while they're singing. And let me tell you, this song will give you wings. It's amazing.
It's sort of like the Spice Girls, but like 2023. So I think like each Swing Sister has a different personality. There's like Scary Swing Sister, and there's Sporty Swing Sister, [LAUGHS] and there's Ginger Swing Sister. And they each have this awesome solo in the song where they just express their personalities.
And it's so inspiring for all of their fans because their fans get to pick the identity that fits them best. So some of them are like, "I'm definitely the Posh Swinger." [LAUGHS] And others are more like the Baby Swinger, and she's an actual baby. Actually it's kind of weird. She has higher vocalizations than everyone else in the band. But they have just been topping the charts for the past 20 weeks. So they're really-- they're flying high, and that's what you do on swings. You fly. You fly as high as you want to go. Or if you just want to chill there sitting in your swing, you can do your thing and look up at the sky and dream big dreams just like the Swing Sisters.
MOLLY: Sounds amazing. I would listen to both of these on repeat, I'm sure.
SHAHLA: So which of us won? It was me, right? I can just feel it.
ROSIE: If you can't say just whisper it.
MOLLY: Well. Sorry, Shahla and Rosie. It's not for me to say. That's up to our Smarty Pass holder to decide. Ha ha! Remember, we need you to vote. So just click on the link in the show notes of this episode to tell us who you think won. Now I'm off to find more victims to sneak attack. Back to the vents.
[METAL CLANGS]
GUNGADOR: (DEEP, LOUD VOICE) Hey, Molly!
MOLLY: Gungador, what are you doing in the vent?
GUNGADOR: Sanden asked me to kick you out of vent! You're scary sneaky.
MOLLY: What? Where is that overrated tuba turkey?
GUNGADOR: Gungador don't know. Ask Elevator. Sanden always riding elevator.
MOLLY: Smarty Pass holder, let's ditch this vent and head to the elevator.
[METAL CLANGS]
Elevator?
[DING]
ELEVATOR: (ROBOTIC VOICE) Oh. Hello, Molly. I hear you're being super sneaky today.
MOLLY: I am. But I still haven't found my ultimate target, Sanden. He needs to be taken down a notch.
ELEVATOR: I agree. Yesterday he said he could tuba better than I can elevate-- which doesn't even make sense. And if it did, it's wrong, because I elevate better than anyone else does anything. My elevating has no equal.
MOLLY: So you're on my side. Yes! Now tell me where Sanden is.
ELEVATOR: Last I saw, he was headed to the Couch Cavern.
MOLLY: Then we're headed to the Couch Cavern. Elevator, Couch Cavern, please.
[DING]
Quick! Behind that couch. I see Sanden coming.
SANDEN: Hello? Anyone in here?
ABRAN: Oh. Hey, Sanden
ANNA: What's up, buddy?
SANDEN: Smash Boom Best producer, Abran Moh de Selassie, and Brains On! producer, Anna Goldfield. What are you doing here?
ABRAN: I mean, you don't have to say our full names and titles.
ANNA: Yeah. That feels a little weird.
SANDEN: You shouldn't be out here. Don't you know Molly is sneak attacking people?
ANNA: We had no idea. Abran and I have been playing the floor is lava for the past three hours.
ABRAN: It's honestly our favorite game. Do you know in Canada they call it the floor is ice?
SANDEN: Oh, who cares. Look-- actually this is perfect. I need you two to debate something right now so Molly will sneak attack you instead of me.
ANNA: Oh. Ooh, I don't know. Abran and I get along pretty well.
ABRAN: Yeah, we agree on everything.
SANDEN: Really? What's the best color?
ABRAN: Green.
ANNA: Green.
SANDEN: OK. The best food?
ABRAN and ANNA: Turkey pesto.
SANDEN: Favorite genre of music.
ABRAN and ANNA: Swedish jazz.
SANDEN: Are you kidding me?
ABRAN: No. They've got that sweet trumpet action over there.
ANNA: Oh, we love the trumpet. It's honestly, the best brass instrument out there.
SANDEN: Um. I beg your pardon. Everyone knows the tuba is the superior instrument.
ANNA: No. The trumpet is best. It's got that swing.
ABRAN: Totally. Trumpet all day.
SANDEN: No, tuba.
ABRAN and ANNA: Trumpet.
SANDEN: Tu-ba.
ABRAN and ANNA: Trum-pet.
SANDEN: Tuba.
MOLLY: Ha!
- Ha-ha. Hoo-Ha!
MOLLY: Sneak attack.
SANDEN: Oh, no!
MOLLY: I finally have you, Sanden, and caught in a debate, no less. [LAUGHS]
SANDEN: No. Molly, I was just about to pick up my vegan takeout. And if I don't get there in the next 10 minutes, the cashew cream will be all cold and curdled. You know how much I hate curdled cashew cream.
ABRAN: Mm. That actually sounds really good.
ANNA: I know, right? That's my favorite, too.
ABRAN and ANNA: Aw.
MOLLY: Don't worry. You'll have plenty of time to get your cashew curry after the most epic sneak attack of all time. Your sneak attack is called Sentence by Sentence. This challenge requires a little teamwork. We want you to build a story together that involves both trumpets and tubas. Each of you will get three sentences to build this story from the ground up, and you'll go round and around, sentence by sentence, until the story is done. Does that make sense?
SANDEN: Ugh. Yeah, fine.
ABRAN: Mm-hmm.
ANNA: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY: OK, Sanden. You're up first. Let's hear the first sentence of this story.
SANDEN: Once upon a time, in a land of magical instruments, there was a glorious, mercurial, wonderful tuba and (DISAPPOINTED VOICE) a trumpet.
MOLLY: Abran?
ABRAN: Bjorn the trumpet was despised by everyone for being too small and not having enough swing.
MOLLY: Anna? So Bjorn the trumpet decided to go on a quest to find that swing.
SANDEN: What Bjorn the trumpet didn't know was that the quest would be long and daunting, and it would take many, many years. And by the end, he would have a trumpet beard and be super old that his ears, if he had them, would be full of hair.
ABRAN: But the journey was worth it, for when he came home, he found that the tuba-- the indolent tuba-- was waiting for him.
ANNA: The tuba had not been practicing that swing. And so when Bjorn the trumpet came home full of jazz and jive and eighth notes and trills, why, the tuba couldn't hold a candle to that trumpet.
SANDEN: But being naturally charming, the tuba let out one solid [LOUD "BRRRRRRP!"].
ABRAN: Hearing this, Bjorn smirked to himself and went--
ANNA: "Well, that sounds like a note I can play a solo on top of. [MIMICS TRUMPET]
[SANDEN JOINS WITH TUBA SOUND]
MOLLY: Wow. A sneak attack that ended in harmony. That was beautiful, you guys.
ANNA: Wait. Who won the sneak attack?
MOLLY: I won't say. It's up to our Smarty Pass holder to decide. You know the drill. Head to the link in the show notes of this episode to vote.
SANDEN: Well, Molly, you finally got me. So, look. I'll admit, I shouldn't have been so mean about getting first chair. And between you and me, I think you're the better tuba player. I only got first chair because I played the judge's favorite song in my audition.
MOLLY: Devious. What was their favorite song?
SANDEN: The Brains On! theme song, of course. Goes a little something like this-- a one, a two, a one, two, three.
[HORN THEME MUSIC]
MOLLY: That's it for this Smarty Pass episode. It was produced by
[LISTING HONOR ROLL]
Brains On! is a nonprofit public radio program. Thanks for listening, Smarty Pass friends. Bye!
[BEEPING, MECHANICAL CLACKING]
SANDEN: What are you doing here? I know you're a Smarty Pass holder, and that means you can come to Brains On headquarters whenever you like, but today couldn't be a worse day to come to HQ. Molly's been surprising us with sneak attacks all day. Sneak attacks are those mini games we play during Smash Boom Best debates. Ugh. She must be mad about something because she is being merciless with her sneak attack challenges. I mean, if anyone even debates anything in the slightest-- boom-- Molly just appears out of nowhere with the hardest sneak attack ever.
[RUMBLING]
Do you hear that? Oh, I think she's in the air vents. Quick. Let's hide in the elephant closet. It's where we keep our elephants.
[LOUD TRUMPETING]
Oh-- hey, Ella Phantsgerald I'm hiding from Molly.
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]
RUBY: Sanden, close the door!
ANNA: Quickly.
SANDEN: Oh, look. It's Brains On producer, Ruby Guthrie, and Moment of Um producer, Anna Weggel.
ANNA: We're hiding from Molly and all her sneak attacks, too.
RUBY: She only does this when she's having really big feelings.
SANDEN: Yeah. I wonder what's going on with her. Such a mystery.
RUBY: What? You know, you're kind of the source of those feelings.
ANNA: Yeah. Ever since you got first chair for the tuba section in the Brains On orchestra and she got second.
SANDEN: I can't help that I'm a superior tuba-ist.
ANNA: It's not that. It's that you won't stop gloating.
SANDEN: Moi? Never.
RUBY: Sanden, you made a banner that said "Sanden beats Molly."
ANNA: You threw yourself a parade with fireworks.
RUBY: You literally did a 45-minute dance routine that you titled, "The Sanden Gloating Dance."
SANDEN: I don't see your point.
[LOW HORN]
RUBY: [GASP] That's her tuba. But where is it coming from?
ANNA: She could be anywhere.
MOLLY: Who? Me?
RUBY and ANNA: UGH!
RUBY: Sanden, you led her right to us.
SANDEN: Better you than me. Good luck, guys.
[DOOR CLICKS, RAPID FOOTSTEPS]
- Ha-ha. Hoo-ha!
MOLLY: Sneak attack.
ANNA: No, Molly. Spare me, please. I have an iguana at home. He has diarrhea.
RUBY: And I have a cat who's never seen The Wizard of Oz. We're supposed to have a watch party tonight.
MOLLY: Lucky for you two pet parents, that's your debate-- iguanas versus cats.
RUBY and ANNA: Noooo!
MOLLY: Your sneak attack is-- carnival barker. You'll be an old-fashioned carnival barker trying to sell us on why your pet is the best. Give a spiel. Be a pushy salesman. Anna, you're first. You'll have 30 seconds for your spiel, and your time starts now.
ANNA: (HIGH VOICE) Oh, hey. Come on down. Come see what we have to offer you today. Oh, you look a little lonely, and there's certainly nothing on your shoulder right now. What if you adopted an iguana and had it on your shoulder all day long? And it could tell you what the best things are to do all day long. It could help you make decisions. It could whisper little sweet nothings into your ear all day. No pet-- no pet on Earth is as good as an iguana. It doesn't shed. It eats bugs. And it's your best--
MOLLY: And time. That was wonderful. All right. Ruby, it's your turn. You have 30 seconds to give your spiel for cats. And your time starts now.
RUBY: Meow, meow, meow, meow-meow-meow. (DRAMATICALLY) Who wants a pal that's super cuddly but needs not a ton of attention because we all need some time to ourselves. Get yourself a cat! It's sweet, but not as needy as a dog. But also it has fur, unlike an iguana. Ugh! No one wants an iguana. You know what? A cat is just so cozy and your best companion ever. And you don't need to take it outside for a walk or bathroom breaks or any of that. It's so self sufficient. We love it.
MOLLY: And time. Wow. You two-- have you been secretly moonlighting as carnival barkers?
ANNA: (DRAWN OUT) Yes. Who won?
MOLLY: Oh. Well, that's for our Smarty Pass holder to decide. To vote, just go to the link in the show notes for this episode.
RUBY: She's distracted. Let's get out of here. Run!
[RAPID FOOTSTEPS]
MOLLY: Well, nuts. Now I need to find two new victims for my sneak attacks. To the air vents!
[METAL CLANGS]
The whole team is hiding from me, but what they don't know is that after five seasons of hosting Smash Boom Best and coming up with countless sneak attacks, I have become the sneakiest person at Brains On headquarters. And I am going to sneak attack everyone here until I reach my goal-- launching a sneak attack on Sanden. That will show him for being such a braggart about landing first chair. Oh, look down there. It's Smash Boom Best producer, Rosie DuPont and editor Shahla Farzan hiding in the Hall of Slides. [LAUGHS] They think we can't see them.
ROSIE: Shahla. Shahla. We should have hidden in the Swing Solarium.
SHAHLA: Rosie, everyone knows that slides are better than swings. That's why we're in the Hall of Slides.
ROSIE: Wait. What are you talking about? Swings beat slides every time.
SHAHLA: Oh, no. Do you know what we're doing?
ROSIE: We're discussing potential hiding spots?
SHAHLA: No. We're having a debate, which means--
ROSIE: [GASPS]
MOLLY: It's time for a sneak attack.
ROSIE: She fell from the vent like an HVAC nightmare.
SHAHLA: Molly, maybe you should just talk about your feelings instead.
MOLLY: The only feeling I'm having right now is a sneaking one.
- Ha-ha Hoo-ha!
MOLLY: Sneak attack.
[SCREAM]
MOLLY: Your sneak attack is-- brand your band. If your side had a band, what would the name of the band be and what style of music would they play? Rosie, you love swings, so your side will be swings. And Shahla, your side will be slides. All right. Shahla you're up first. Tell us about your band.
SHAHLA: Just picture this, right? So I'm climbing up to the top of this slide. My hair is blowing back in the breeze, and I look amazing. Everyone on the playground turns around and is, like, "Oh." Like slow motion. Like that person is so brave, and her hair looks so good. And I probably would do like an air guitar or something at the top just to really show off how fearless I am. Because slides are hardcore. They're metal. So slides would definitely-- if they were a band, they would be a heavy metal band. End of story. Heavy metal.
MOLLY: What's the band's name?
SHAHLA: Uh, they would be called the Rusty Metal Pipes.
MOLLY: [LAUGHS] And what's the name of their hit single.
SHAHLA: [LAUGHS] Just like, "Slip Slidin' Away," but like in a heavy metal hardcore style.
MOLLY: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And what would the lead singer sound like?
SHAHLA: He would be like, (GRAVELLY VOICE) Slides, slides, [MIMICS ELECTRIC GUITAR] slides.
MOLLY: Mm. Very, very good. OK. Rosie, now it's your turn. Please tell us about your swing band.
ROSIE: OK. So my swing band, it's a girl group and their name is the Swing Sisters. And their most recent hit, "Swings Give You Wings," features all five of them sitting on swings in a row, and they're swinging while they're singing. And let me tell you, this song will give you wings. It's amazing.
It's sort of like the Spice Girls, but like 2023. So I think like each Swing Sister has a different personality. There's like Scary Swing Sister, and there's Sporty Swing Sister, [LAUGHS] and there's Ginger Swing Sister. And they each have this awesome solo in the song where they just express their personalities.
And it's so inspiring for all of their fans because their fans get to pick the identity that fits them best. So some of them are like, "I'm definitely the Posh Swinger." [LAUGHS] And others are more like the Baby Swinger, and she's an actual baby. Actually it's kind of weird. She has higher vocalizations than everyone else in the band. But they have just been topping the charts for the past 20 weeks. So they're really-- they're flying high, and that's what you do on swings. You fly. You fly as high as you want to go. Or if you just want to chill there sitting in your swing, you can do your thing and look up at the sky and dream big dreams just like the Swing Sisters.
MOLLY: Sounds amazing. I would listen to both of these on repeat, I'm sure.
SHAHLA: So which of us won? It was me, right? I can just feel it.
ROSIE: If you can't say just whisper it.
MOLLY: Well. Sorry, Shahla and Rosie. It's not for me to say. That's up to our Smarty Pass holder to decide. Ha ha! Remember, we need you to vote. So just click on the link in the show notes of this episode to tell us who you think won. Now I'm off to find more victims to sneak attack. Back to the vents.
[METAL CLANGS]
GUNGADOR: (DEEP, LOUD VOICE) Hey, Molly!
MOLLY: Gungador, what are you doing in the vent?
GUNGADOR: Sanden asked me to kick you out of vent! You're scary sneaky.
MOLLY: What? Where is that overrated tuba turkey?
GUNGADOR: Gungador don't know. Ask Elevator. Sanden always riding elevator.
MOLLY: Smarty Pass holder, let's ditch this vent and head to the elevator.
[METAL CLANGS]
Elevator?
[DING]
ELEVATOR: (ROBOTIC VOICE) Oh. Hello, Molly. I hear you're being super sneaky today.
MOLLY: I am. But I still haven't found my ultimate target, Sanden. He needs to be taken down a notch.
ELEVATOR: I agree. Yesterday he said he could tuba better than I can elevate-- which doesn't even make sense. And if it did, it's wrong, because I elevate better than anyone else does anything. My elevating has no equal.
MOLLY: So you're on my side. Yes! Now tell me where Sanden is.
ELEVATOR: Last I saw, he was headed to the Couch Cavern.
MOLLY: Then we're headed to the Couch Cavern. Elevator, Couch Cavern, please.
[DING]
Quick! Behind that couch. I see Sanden coming.
SANDEN: Hello? Anyone in here?
ABRAN: Oh. Hey, Sanden
ANNA: What's up, buddy?
SANDEN: Smash Boom Best producer, Abran Moh de Selassie, and Brains On! producer, Anna Goldfield. What are you doing here?
ABRAN: I mean, you don't have to say our full names and titles.
ANNA: Yeah. That feels a little weird.
SANDEN: You shouldn't be out here. Don't you know Molly is sneak attacking people?
ANNA: We had no idea. Abran and I have been playing the floor is lava for the past three hours.
ABRAN: It's honestly our favorite game. Do you know in Canada they call it the floor is ice?
SANDEN: Oh, who cares. Look-- actually this is perfect. I need you two to debate something right now so Molly will sneak attack you instead of me.
ANNA: Oh. Ooh, I don't know. Abran and I get along pretty well.
ABRAN: Yeah, we agree on everything.
SANDEN: Really? What's the best color?
ABRAN: Green.
ANNA: Green.
SANDEN: OK. The best food?
ABRAN and ANNA: Turkey pesto.
SANDEN: Favorite genre of music.
ABRAN and ANNA: Swedish jazz.
SANDEN: Are you kidding me?
ABRAN: No. They've got that sweet trumpet action over there.
ANNA: Oh, we love the trumpet. It's honestly, the best brass instrument out there.
SANDEN: Um. I beg your pardon. Everyone knows the tuba is the superior instrument.
ANNA: No. The trumpet is best. It's got that swing.
ABRAN: Totally. Trumpet all day.
SANDEN: No, tuba.
ABRAN and ANNA: Trumpet.
SANDEN: Tu-ba.
ABRAN and ANNA: Trum-pet.
SANDEN: Tuba.
MOLLY: Ha!
- Ha-ha. Hoo-Ha!
MOLLY: Sneak attack.
SANDEN: Oh, no!
MOLLY: I finally have you, Sanden, and caught in a debate, no less. [LAUGHS]
SANDEN: No. Molly, I was just about to pick up my vegan takeout. And if I don't get there in the next 10 minutes, the cashew cream will be all cold and curdled. You know how much I hate curdled cashew cream.
ABRAN: Mm. That actually sounds really good.
ANNA: I know, right? That's my favorite, too.
ABRAN and ANNA: Aw.
MOLLY: Don't worry. You'll have plenty of time to get your cashew curry after the most epic sneak attack of all time. Your sneak attack is called Sentence by Sentence. This challenge requires a little teamwork. We want you to build a story together that involves both trumpets and tubas. Each of you will get three sentences to build this story from the ground up, and you'll go round and around, sentence by sentence, until the story is done. Does that make sense?
SANDEN: Ugh. Yeah, fine.
ABRAN: Mm-hmm.
ANNA: Mm-hmm.
MOLLY: OK, Sanden. You're up first. Let's hear the first sentence of this story.
SANDEN: Once upon a time, in a land of magical instruments, there was a glorious, mercurial, wonderful tuba and (DISAPPOINTED VOICE) a trumpet.
MOLLY: Abran?
ABRAN: Bjorn the trumpet was despised by everyone for being too small and not having enough swing.
MOLLY: Anna? So Bjorn the trumpet decided to go on a quest to find that swing.
SANDEN: What Bjorn the trumpet didn't know was that the quest would be long and daunting, and it would take many, many years. And by the end, he would have a trumpet beard and be super old that his ears, if he had them, would be full of hair.
ABRAN: But the journey was worth it, for when he came home, he found that the tuba-- the indolent tuba-- was waiting for him.
ANNA: The tuba had not been practicing that swing. And so when Bjorn the trumpet came home full of jazz and jive and eighth notes and trills, why, the tuba couldn't hold a candle to that trumpet.
SANDEN: But being naturally charming, the tuba let out one solid [LOUD "BRRRRRRP!"].
ABRAN: Hearing this, Bjorn smirked to himself and went--
ANNA: "Well, that sounds like a note I can play a solo on top of. [MIMICS TRUMPET]
[SANDEN JOINS WITH TUBA SOUND]
MOLLY: Wow. A sneak attack that ended in harmony. That was beautiful, you guys.
ANNA: Wait. Who won the sneak attack?
MOLLY: I won't say. It's up to our Smarty Pass holder to decide. You know the drill. Head to the link in the show notes of this episode to vote.
SANDEN: Well, Molly, you finally got me. So, look. I'll admit, I shouldn't have been so mean about getting first chair. And between you and me, I think you're the better tuba player. I only got first chair because I played the judge's favorite song in my audition.
MOLLY: Devious. What was their favorite song?
SANDEN: The Brains On! theme song, of course. Goes a little something like this-- a one, a two, a one, two, three.
[HORN THEME MUSIC]
MOLLY: That's it for this Smarty Pass episode. It was produced by
[LISTING HONOR ROLL]
Brains On! is a nonprofit public radio program. Thanks for listening, Smarty Pass friends. Bye!
Transcription services provided by 3Play Media.
